My first post... isn't it cute?

Ok here it goes everyone, my first post on my first blog. (Squeal). Now what should I talk about?

Oh I know! I will talk about my journey so far as a fledgling novelist. (Grin). I love Google, something I may have mentioned in my About Me section. As many writers will tell you, hitting a snag in the course of a scene is pure HELL, and it happens all the time. The snag could be due to plot, or dialogue, maybe even loss of interest in one of your main characters. Whatever it is… it has to be fixed. I find that Google is my best friend when it comes to this particular problem.

Just today, about 4pm to be specific, I hit a snag. There I was, typing away on my hunk of junk laptop that needs to be replaced but until it completely dies I can’t justify the purchase of a new one, and it happened… THE SNAG. All of a sudden I was gripped by a terrible fear that my sex scene was…. wait for it… BAD. I don’t mean bad as in, all girls love bad boys, but BAD. Stupid, hokey, laugh out loud oh no she didn’t… BAD. See? I told you snags come in all forms. Sneaky buggers.

Now I could have called my husband into the room and had him read it, or send it to my best friend, but… what if they AGREED with my fear? Nope uh-uh, I couldn’t do it. So I Googled…. “Worst sex scene in a book”. Yep, that’s right, I did, and it was AWESOME. I haven’t laughed that hard since my husband and I got smashed on wine spritzers and watched The Five Year Engagement. (Which was only about a month ago, but still). It was a win-win situation… I am now reassured that my sex scene is not BAD, and I almost peed myself laughing. Good times.

Here is a link to what I found.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/27/bad-sex-aawards_n_2199706.html

Writing is suck a tricky thing really. Especially when you are including sex scenes. I mean my books wouldn’t even exist with the sex scenes. So let’s talk about why they are tricky. One word for you. Descriptors. Yes, yes… character interaction and staying true to the overall vibe of the book is no easy task either, but your descriptors will get you every time if you aren’t careful. If you are wondering what I am talking about then let me be give you an example. I am going to write the same segement three times… but I am going to use different descriptors in each. Here it goes…

1. He watched with amazement as she knelt before him, her pretty tits swaying slightly with the movement, and barely contained a groan when she wrapped coral tipped fingers tight around his cock. She licked her lips, leaning forward to blow gently on the tip, and her breath was hot and wet on his flesh. He wished for a moment that their positions were reversed, that it was his mouth hovering over the pouting lips of her pussy, but then her kiss swollen lips parted around the head… and he stopped thinking completely.

2. He watched with amazement as she knelt before him, the pretty mounds on her chest swaying slightly with the movement, and barely contained a groan when she wrapped coral tipped fingers tight around his shaft. She licked her lips, leaning forward to blow gently on the tip, and her breath was hot and wet on his flesh. He wished for a moment that their positions were reversed, that it was his mouth hovering over the pouting lips of her sex, but then her kiss swollen lips parted around him… and he stopped thinking completely.

3.He watched with amazement as she knelt before him, her breasts swaying slightly with the movement, and barely contained a groan when she wrapped coral tipped fingers tight around  his penis. She licked her lips, leaning forward to blow gently on the tip, and her breath was hot and wet on his flesh. He wished for a moment that their positions were reversed, that it was his mouth hovering over the pouting labia of her vagina, but then her kiss swollen lips parted around the glans… and he stopped thinking completely.

Now I know that the differences are subtle… and I know which one I prefer… But what do you think? Do you have any comments on the subject? I feel that there are basic rules to describing body parts in literature… unless you are trying to be funny there are certain things to avoid. Here are my rules.

1. Fruit and vegetable references should never be used when describing the shape, size, or overall appearance of someones… you know whats.

2. A woman’s private parts should not have these words attached to them. Ever. Gash. Drip or Dripping. Oozing. Gaping. Wide. Bushy. Tunnel. Cave. Hole. Beaver. Clam. (I don’t care what you think… those words are not sexy!)

3. Men do not think think in terms of throbbing member, pulsating manhood, or jutting phallus. They also rarely name their goods. And uhm… animal references? Eww. Horses belong in a pasture, not in the bedroom.

4. Tongues should not jab, vibrate, or pulse. And please refrain from making it sound like the tongue belongs to some type of reptilian creature. Ick.

Okay… that was entertaining. For me anyway. I hope it was for you! Now I am off to do some more fine tuning on my masterpieces! Wish me luck!

  P.s. I am refusing to be embarrassed that I just used vulgar language in public. Blogs are public right? Don’t you read this mom!

P.J. out